


gee whiz, boys

by RejextedSauce



Series: ghoulfriend adventures [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: But also, Closeted, Ghost Hunters, M/M, PWP without Porn, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Trapped In A Closet, a joke, based off no episode in particular, basically a joke, but consentually, db cooper references, i tried my best ok, predictable ending i guess, printer paper, saucy content, what is my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-20 14:09:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12434463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RejextedSauce/pseuds/RejextedSauce
Summary: shane and ryan take their pickle polishing to a risky level





	gee whiz, boys

**Author's Note:**

> yes this is also a joke, sorry it's not spicy enough

It was midday in the buzzfeed HQ, and Ryan had grown more bored than ever. He had stayed up late editing the newest Unsolved video with no help from Shane (who insisted on Skyping Ryan for the sole purpose of making sure he didn’t cut out his favorite parts).

By the afternoon, Ryan had already finished his work and decided to take a nap during his lunch. What he didn’t know however, was that a pair of mischievous eyes had followed him to the break room. Moments after getting settled and starting to fall asleep, he heard the door open.

Ryan groaned. “I’m just taking a short nap, come back later…” he mumbled. His heart almost jumped out of his throat when he felt someone lightly trail their fingers on his cheek. Eyes wide open, he shot up and tried to make out who was in the room with him. Heart pounding, he could make out the figure of a man, none other than his faithful yet skeptic ghoulfriend, Shane Madej.

“What the _fuck,_  Shane,” Ryan hissed. “You nearly scared the shit out of me!”

Shane smirked. “You know, there’s other ways to relax and stay away while at work.” He stepped closer to Ryan, his face only inches from the shorter man’s. Ryan raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Meet me in the supply closet in ten minutes, no funny stuff,” he winked. Ryan groaned but didn’t protest to the proposition. Shane patted his cheek and left the room, leaving a dazed Ryan Bergara behind to process what just happened.

“Fucking D.B. Cooper references…” Ryan grumbled as he grabbed his phone and left the room. By the time he got back to his desk, the ten minutes was approaching quickly. He assumed Shane was already waiting, and was thankful that the area was fairly empty since most of his coworkers went outside or left to eat.

As Ryan left his desk, he looked around to make sure no one was watching. He passed the kitchen, and ducked away towards the closet to avoid a group of his coworkers peering down from the loft.

As he reached the closet, he rested his hand on the handle and took one last glance around. No one was watching. Ryan still hesitated to enter, since he and Shane have never done anything risqué at work, and he certainly didn’t want their coworkers finding out. The two had decided a long time ago to keep their “special relationship” secret, and so far have been able to do a pretty good job at acting like business-as-usual.

With a shaky sigh—and hoping to god he and Shane wouldn't get caught—he stepped into the closet. He barely closed the door behind him when he was met by a strong pair of arms, pressing him up against the owner’s chest. Ryan jumped at the unexpected contact, relaxing as he felt the familiar bone-stilt figure of Shane Madej.

“You peice of shit, Shane,” Ryan whispered half heartedly.

Shane chuckled and released one arm to close the closet door with. “Nice of you to come to my humble abode, Bergara.” He grabbed Ryan gently by the wrists, and started leading him further into the closet.

“You’re humble abode is a closet,” Ryan toyed in response once the two stood at the far end of the closet.  

“Shh, don’t mind the details,” Shane replied, pressing a kiss on the shorter man’s forehead. “We’re here to do the dance, tango with our man-goes, polish- our pickles- not live here.”

Ryan sighed. “You just killed any mood between us here today.”

With a hearty laugh, Shane pulled Ryan flush against his own body. “If we do the deed, I may consider agreeing to that ghost threesome we both know you're dying for… That probably won’t happen but anyways-”

“Deal.” Ryan didn’t hesitate in responding. Shane grinned and leaned in, pressing his lips into Ryan’s and melting together. The boys grew more and more passionate as they reach for each other’s belts.

 

* * *

 

Brent was finished his lunch early as usual, and was just hanging around HQ. He left his lunch spot in the loft to go find ome work, when one of the supervisors called him over.

“Brent! If you have time, can you grab more printer paper from the supply closet please? We’re almost out.”

“Sure thing,” he responded. When he got to the closet however, he started to hear weird things. He heard rattling and soft moaning, just barely audible except for outside the closet. Brent felt the hair on the back of his neck standing up as there was only one explanation that made its way to his brain. _Aliens._

Brent hesitantly opened the door and turned on the lights before he heard gasps of surprise and the shuffling of clothes and feet. In front of him stood two men, and upon further examinations it was the main boys! Shane and Ryan from Unsolved.

Shane and Ryan were apologizing furiously and attempting to dress. “Promise not to say anything- _ohmygod_ ,” Ryan pleaded. Shane was fumbling with his clothes and shooting uncomfortable glances between Ryan and Brent.

“Oh. Oh gee whiz!” Brent exclaimed. “I knew it! I _knew_ there was something going on between you two. Is that why I got replaced by Shane so quickly? Being the filler because you two are fucking… Wow.”

Shane chuckled nervously. “No, I uh- no. I didn’t replace you in the first place, and even then, _this_ ," he gestured to Ryan and himself. "-is only recent.” He shot a glance to Ryan for backup.

“Yeah, this doesn’t have anything to do with hosting, we just, I don’t know, click? So please, we just want to keep this secret. Can you do that?” Ryan pleaded.

Brent sighed. “Of course,” he said. “On one condition.”

“What is it?” the boys questioned.

“Let me join in, just this once.”

Shane and Ryan shot a glance. Do they really want to include Brent? Even just for one time? The tall skeptic shot an indecisive glance towards his ghoulfriend. The shorter man lowered his eyes and gave a curt nod. “As long as you keep it all secret.”

And so Brent dropped his pants and kept his word.

Meanwhile, their supervisors wondered where their printer paper was.

**Author's Note:**

> not a huge fan of brent tbh but it works


End file.
